6th July 2008
Open all closet doors and drawers with caution. If anything leaps out at
you, try not to scream.
Do not move any heavy furniture-there may be dirt. (Well, okay, ...there
WILL be dirt. Hopefully none of it will be sentient)
Don't draw your finger across any door frame. I clean barns, not dust.
Do not open the box under the kitchen table. (That's where I keep spare
Don't be afraid to use a clean towel and washcloth. I have plenty. The ones
with the iodine stains are doubly sanitized!
If you take a book from the shelf, beware of bookworms, kittens, lost
Don't bother looking under any bed-there's not enough room for a man.
Please sit down very carefully-the dog, cat, my knitting, or my wool combs
might be there.
Feel free to help yourselves to anything you find in the fridge. If it's
green, don't eat it unless you can be sure that it's either lettuce or
broccoli. If it stares back at you, please escort it to the compost pile.
If you find hair in your food, please first determine it's origin-human,
dog, cat, llama, or exotic. It might be part of my cashmere stash, then
again, we strive for a high fiber diet.
Wear your boots when you go outside. The lovely squishy brown stuff in the
puddles may NOT be mud after all.
Keep your suitcase closed if at all possible, unless you really want to go
home with a few extra cats.
Have fun while here-just remember that any animal following you out of an
unclosed gate is now yours.
The fiber you collected during your visit may either be cheerfully spun by
you at home, or given back to the resident spinner for recycling.